It’s normal to expect your spouse to chip in when you are looking to declutter your home. And when they are not down to declutter as much as you are, it’s normal to find yourself feeling frustrated and angry. Maybe they don’t believe in decluttering as much as you do, or maybe they’re just a hoarder who is afraid to let go of their stuff. Whatever the reason is, having a partner who doesn’t want to declutter shouldn’t stop you from achieving a home that is liveable and clutter-free.
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Now let me just tell you that if your spouse identifies as a hoarder, you must not disregard their feelings by discarding their stuff. Talk to them about the reason why they’ve been holding on to so many items and accept whatever their answer is. Maybe that particular item doesn’t add value to your life but makes your spouse happy. And even if they aren’t on board to declutter right now, chances are that they will come around respecting your decisions just like you respected theirs.
If you’re all set to declutter your home while your spouse isn’t down for it, here’s a few tips and strategies that can make the process a little less difficult:
1. Communicate Your Concerns
Even though they are a hoarder, they’re very likely to understand you if you share your concerns with them. Go for an honest and open conversation when you tell them about your goals behind decluttering your home.
Let them know that it’s becoming difficult for you to clean and maintain the living space because of all the clutter that has piled up. Tell them how much it matters to you to have a clean and organized living space and how it can be beneficial to them as well. Don’t be headstrong or persistent in your efforts to convince them to declutter. You just need to be honest about your feelings to make your spouse understand why you want to declutter.
2. Declutter Your Stuff And Leave Theirs
Now you may not have any control on the stuff owned by your spouse, but you definitely have a say in making decisions about your own stuff. So, start with the area or stuff that is yours until your husband comes around to tackle theirs. Get rid of old clothes, shoes, accessories, books and kitchen cabinets that are in your control and be ruthless in your efforts to declutter them.
3. Make It A Game
One of the major reasons why your spouse isn’t willing to help you declutter is because they’re probably a hoarder who is too attached to their stuff. It would probably break their heart if you asked them to let go of any of their stuff. Instead of projecting decluttering as a task or a chore, make it sound like a game.
Challenge your spouse into playing a game of decluttering. Set the timer and run around to collect items that you need to get rid of. The one who accumulates the most number of items in the given time frame wins.
You can also organize a ‘decluttering date’ with your partner where you ask them to keep you company as you try and declutter the excess stuff in your house.
4. Follow the One In One Out Rule
Even though your spouse may not be willing to declutter the stuff they own, you both can still work together to stop further inflow of clutter. Let your spouse know that for every new item that they are going to buy in future, an old one must be swapped out. If they’re planning to buy a new laptop or cell phone, ask them what they plan to do with the old one. If they’ve bought new clothes, tell them to get rid of an equal number of old clothes.
The One In One Out Rule may not help you declutter your spouse’s stuff but can surely help you prevent it from piling up further.
5. Spend Money On Experiences Instead Of Gifts
When your spouse identifies as a hoarder, you might have to work extra hard to stop the clutter from piling up. This also means that you need to forego gifts for memories and experiences. Instead of getting your spouse a gift for their next birthday, buy them a ticket for an NBA game or plan a family night out. Spend money on making memories that help you enjoy some time together without contributing to clutter in your home.
6. Respect Your Spouse And His Clutter
What’s clutter for you might just be a necessity for your spouse. Make sure that you don’t throw away anything that is of value to them. Try looking at their stuff from their perspective and accept the fact that they may or may never declutter their stuff. Your best bet is to leave it alone and focus on your own stuff.
Speaking out of experience, my dad finds it impossible to discard his old clothes because he’s a big-time money-saver. No matter how hard my mom tries to convince him to replace his torn and worn-out clothes with new ones, he never listens to her until he doesn’t have an option.
When you give your spouse the needed space and respect, they will likely come around to declutter their belongings. But you must also be prepared in case they decide not to do it.
7. Inspire Them To Declutter
Even though your spouse isn’t willing to declutter their own stuff, you can surely ask them to help you declutter yours. Make them observe how well you purge down your own stuff, and keep telling them about the benefits of decluttering. Who knows if they may just feel inspired to declutter some of their stuff too.
Even though it can be hard to declutter when your spouse isn’t willing to help, understand that the people in your life are more important than the stuff you own. So, make sure that you approach the process of decluttering with utmost compassion without disregarding what your spouse feels.